CHAUNCEY; An Engine Of Disgruntlement...

Kriss Akabusi in Orgasm Shocker!

http://www.nyt.co.uk/kriss.akabusi.htm

Kriss Akabusi, guffawing buffoon and former motivational kids TV presenter, is accused of making an American Director orgasm. Not much is known about the case, but my informant at Lexis Nexis Butterworth Tolley assures me it happened some time around the 23rd of April 2002.

Akabusi became a motivational speaker after Roy Castle blew last taps on Record Breakers and things had been going swimmingly for Cheryl Bakers dribbling sidekick with notices like these for his, quite literally, motivational speaking.

"Outstanding the audience were spellbound" Bedfordshire Newspapers

"You made us all buzz. It was just the right impact and we are still talking about it" Anon

"We have recieved a lot of praise and thanks from the customers who attended. Some said it was the best BT event which they had attended" BT

"It (the Aksters speech) was very motivational" Learning and Skills Council, Essex

"Did exactly what it said on the tin" Police Mutual*

"Kriss held the audience for the duration. He was great!" Bright Business

"Kriss was 'right here, right now'" Bank of Scotland

Since the orgasm revelations and such many of the plaudits must be read with a new and cynically dirty mind. Not least this last one from Crawford & Company "Everyone will undoubtedly remember your enthusiasm each time they step 'in to the arena' for future challenges and 'get jiggy with change'".

I ask you honest, decent people of Great Britain, do we really need people like Kriss Akabusi motivating our depraved workforce?

I say stop Akabusi now before it's too late...

Rock on you funky motivators...

*There is no evidence that the Police Mutual put Akabusi in a tin.

25.5.06 16:37